Learning to Live
by Ninja-Rider
Summary: Post Mockingjay,Pre-epilogue. When Katniss receives a letter from Peeta she is hesitant to read it at first. When Haymitch finally gets her to she doesn't know what to think about it... When Peeta unexpectantly shows up back in 12 how will she react? Read and find out! Hopefully the story is better then the summary. This is my first fan fic so constructive criticism would be great
1. Hot Chocolate

**Authors Note: **Hello there wonderful people! This is my first fan fic, so i'm really nervous about what people will think about it. It took me forever to figure out how to publish this (i hadn't read the guidelines) but with the help of my faithful dad i figured it all out! Well, i won't keep you any longer with my blabbering, so... Enjoy!

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**Disclaimer:** I do not own the Hunger Games or any of the people or places presented in this story.

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Learning to Live

Chapter 1: Hot Chocolate

Shh…if you're quiet you can still hear father sing, and the birds stopping to listen.

Shh…if you're quiet you can hear the workers removing all the rubble of what use to be called home.

Shh…if you're quiet you can still hear Prim's laugh, as Lady licked her cheek.

Shh… if you're quiet you can hear Haymitch snoring next door in his drunken stupor.

Shh... if you're quiet you can still hear Rue sing to the workers in the orchard, telling them it's quitting time.

Shh… if you're quiet you can hear the whispering ghosts that roam my home, of all the people I tried to save and failed – Rue, Boggs, Finnick, Madge, and…

I can't even bring myself to say her name. I let a single tear slide down my cheek, I've lost so many already I can't bring myself to lose anymore.

That's what I tell myself I'm doing as I spend day after day curled up in bed, curtain drawn, and in the dark, listening. But, listening for what? I don't even know myself. A sign, message, someone to knock on my door and tell me 'its okay, you can come out now, it's safe'?

* * *

Greasy Sae comes each morning, she's stopped trying to tell me that if I would get up it would benefit in more ways then one.

I already know that.

She sets a tray down on my end table. I flinch as the glass plate rattles against the mug next to it. She sets down on the edge of the bed and brushes a strand of hair from my forehead. I haven brushed it since I've come home – let alone braid it. Why bother when you're all alone except for the silent visits from the person I have almost begun to call my mother. She smiles down at me, small wrinkles forming around the edges of her mouth from all her years.

"You should go hunting, I haven't tasted one of your squirrels in a long while. None of the others can get them through the eyes like you could, just get 'em through the belly and wastes the whole darn thing."

I don't answer; she already knows I'm not planning on moving. Why when you have no reason? Sae has more then enough people to get food from, especially now that the Capitol had begun sending in shipment of food for the refugees.

"I made some eggs for you… and there's some hot chocolate in the mug." I think I scare her when I sit up so quickly. Hot chocolate, there's only one person that I would ever be reminded of by the creamy drink.

Peeta.

An entirely new wave of emotion rushes over me as I think of Peeta. Stuck in the capitol – both his prison and hospital. After the war Dr. Aurilius insisted he help Peeta through his recovery with treatments only the Capitol had to offer there. Of course I have only heard this from Haymitch who had decided to stumble over here once, hangover, and asked if I had any liquor.

He wasn't surprised when he saw me in bed, even though it was well past noon. He casually had brought up the subject while he rummaged through the top shelf in my closet where I had hidden some extra bottles in case his supply ran low.

When I hadn't answered one of his questions I wasn't listening to he spun around and looked at me, "This aint what I pictured Mockingjay doing once she came home, I thought she'd be hunt'in or something," he turned back around muttering something about how he'd have thought I would have shot him by now, with my 'fancy bow 'n arrow'

I wonder if Peeta will ever return to 12? He has no family or bakery to come home to, most of his friends died in the bombing, aside from Delly. If he were to come home it would be for one of two reasons – he missed 12 or he missed me. I doubt he will ever come home for the latter.

I lean back against the headboard, as Sae reaches over and lets the tray onto my lap she says goodbye and that she's bringing her grand daughter over later tonight and leaves, shutting the door softly behind her. I look down at my food and sigh.

Eggs, like everyday. I'm just about to set the tray back onto the table when something catches my eye - a letter peeking out from underneath the plate.

I pull it out and almost faint when I see Peeta's careful handwriting.

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**Authors Note: **I hope you liked this... I'm actually quite curious of what is in Peeta's letter myself, to be honest. Maybe another declaration of his love... nah. Or an evil rampage about how she is a mutt... Possibly. Or... i don't know... So many options to choose from! I might consider doing another chapter or two, depends on the feedback i get... If i were to do another chapter I probably wouldn't have time to do it this week, i have to ride my horse a few times before a big show this weekend. SO EXCITED! So far I've been doing pretty good on him.. his name is Ben if you were wondering... Anyways, tell me what you think of this and it sure would boost up that little thing called confidence everyone has. ~~~Ninja-Rider~~~


	2. Sealed and Forgotten

**Authors** **Note:** Ok maybe I _can_ find time to write... I have decided to kind of take a different road with this, not exactly following the book that is. I'm staying with the basics but changing it a little. Well... Enjoy!

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Chapter 2: Sealed and Forgotten

I'm paralyzed as I watch the letter drop from my hands to my thighs, settling on the crumpled quilt that covers them. I look down and examine the precisely written letters of my name. It has a newfound twitchy look to it that it never had before.

He wrote me.

I begin to wonder if that is what prompted Sae to give me the hot chocolate. I sniff and smell the sweet sent of it as I lower my hand to pick the letter back up. But, how would she know anything about it? Peeta and I had never said it around anybody, we had no real reason to, and they hadn't been filming on the train before the first

The seal isn't broken, so she didn't read it. I forget about the topic as the question of why he wrote me comes back. I consider opening it or not, do I really want to hear one of his tirades, or that he has moved on and found someone else and decided not to come back?

I hear my front door slam shut suddenly and boots begin to climb the steps at an unsteady pace. I lean over the side of my bed and tug open the drawer on my end table, lift some books and put the letter between them. I have just slammed the drawer closed again when Haymitch leisurely walks into my bedroom and claims the seat next to my bed. He settles himself into it and he looks at me expectantly.

"I don't have anymore liquor, you took it all last time." I tell him straight out, then mumble, "I wish you hadn't" in hopes he doesn't hear. I fiddle with the edge of the sheets, avoiding eye contact. He doesn't know about the letter either, right?

"I aint over hear for liquor, sweetheart," oh, he does know. He sets his elbow on the arm of the chair and rests his forehead into his hand. His eyes are closed, he looks exhausted." I'm hear to try and get you out of bed." Or maybe he doesn't know.

"No"

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I sit, propped up against a tree, shivering against the cool autumn winds. I pull my arms inside of my nightgown, and bring my knees up to my chest, trying to keep warm.

I'm exhausted by our little fight we had. After Haymitch told me to get up and I hadn't moved he ended up having to wrestle me out of bed, down the stairs and out the front door. He got me as far as the first tree in my front yard.

I glare at him now; he sits on a wooden chair from the kitchen, just behind the glass of the front door. Watching me so I don't find my way into another house and curl up onto one of their beds. He leans against the back of the chair placing one of his feet on his knee and takes a flask from his pocket.

He smirks at my glare and tips the flask back to pore the alcohol down his throat. I roll my eyes, and try to stop shivering, I may be weak from staying in bed for weeks but I'm still headstrong when it comes to Haymitch.

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He doesn't let me if for at least a half hour, while he waits he drains his flask twice, returning to his house and peeking through his kitchen window as he refills it. I'm relieved when Haymitch tells me that most of the houses in Victor's Village are vacant now, he says the town has really started up again. When he finally lets me in, he blocks the way to my bedroom and points to the shower. I reluctantly make my way into the bathroom and close the door behind me.

I turn to the tub and turn on the faucet, strip of my old clothes and slip into it. I lay there thinking, mostly about the letter, when Peeta had sent it and why. When a loud knock on the door interrupts my thoughts I quickly wash my hair and get out. I grab a towel, wrap it around me, tell Haymitch I'm opening the door and run into my room.

It takes me forever to brush the knots and tangles from my hair. I eventually resort to descending down the stairs and sheepishly asking Haymitch if he will help me, he obliges and yanks until my hair feels smooth and silky. I find the fire lit, and take a seat across the room from Haymitch.

I feel so _n__ew_. Or at least fresh, and seem as if some of the weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Like I scrubbed off all the pain, and watched as it spiraled down the drain. Being left with only a tender cut.

I look over at him, "Thank you," he gives me a questioning look," for making me get up." He shrugs and stands, stretching as he does.

"Well, I'm going to go see if Ripper has any more liquor..." he says as he makes his way towards the door.

"You should quit drinking" i reply back quickly.

He pulls open the door and i consider moving closer to the fire as the cold air seeps into the house, "Sweetheart, you already know I'll be drinkin' till the day I die."

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I spend all day sitting on the couch, looking out the window at the brilliantly colored leaves that are still scattered on the trees, a handful coming off with every gust of wind. I end up flipping through my family's plant book, I stop when I come to the title Nightlock Berries.

And I realize that that small handful of berries is what ripped my life apart. But, how was I expected to kill this boy? Someone who had already risked his life for me long before Effie had draws his name. I wonder what would have happened if I would have thanked him for giving me that bread. If I would have shifted the winds as I walked over to him, and the papers in the reaping ball would have been moved, so Effie wouldn't have called Prim's name, or Peeta's.

I look out the window as the sun makes its way behind the trees. A beautiful orange sunset begins to glow behind it, yet another reminder of Peeta. I wonder if he is watching the sunset now, he always loved the color.

A soft knock at the door indicates Sae has returned with her granddaughter, Cassia. She opens the door and Cassia follows behind her finding a basket with yarn in it. "I see you took my advice to get up, looks like you took a shower to," she says

"Haymitch would disagree, he thought getting up wasn't enough, he made me sit outside for an hour, said I needed some air." I say, Cassia takes a ball of yarn and starts unwinding the yarn into a large pile onto the floor.

Sae gives a small chuckle and begins to make her way to the kitchen carrying a bag full of ingredients for her ever-changing soup, "Cassia, honey, put the yarn back, it's not yours, sweetie."

"Oh, she's fine, you can have it. Nobody here knows here anyway." I tell her and Cassia gives me a small smile and follows Sae into the kitchen

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The soup is good, it tastes like venison, somebody must be hunting again. I ask her to stay and eat some of the soup and she ponders for a moment

"Well I was thinking about going into town, before night falls, and get some meat from the butcher, they opened a few days ago," I give her a look and hope she understands the silent question, "He's new, nobody's seen Rooba since…" she trails off and I nod my head, understanding what she means.

"I guess I'll see you tomorrow then," I say as she leaves, pulling along Cassia, who seems entranced by the yarn she clutches tightly.

I make my way up the stairs and put on my nightclothes. I lay down on the crumpled sheets, I remember my mother telling me that I always seem to wake up on 'the wrong side of the bed', so I slide over to the opposite side from where I usually sleep in hopes it will help with my grumpy, moving resistant, problems.

My nightmares tonight are filled with what would have happened if i had thanked Peeta, and none of this would have ever happened, i decide that being reaped is better then whatever my mind can conger up in attempts to scare me- which it always does. Tonight is no exception with reruns of Prim burning to death, Peeta being torn to pieces by mutts, Boggs in surgery, still awake, as Capitol surgeons slowly amputate parts from his body, and many more as I'm not able to move as they slowly die in front of me.

I wake with a start by my own screams, in a cold sweat, the sheets underneath me just as damp, with the sticky feel. I shake until I realize it was only a nightmare. 'Only a nightmare' I tell myself.

But I'm wrong.

Prim really did burn to death, Peeta miswell have been torn to pieces by mutts, or at least his memory was by trackerjackers, and Boggs did have his legs blown off from a pod in the Capitol.

Whenever I sleep, I watch reruns of how people die.

The next morning I'm awake before Sae gets here. I wonder down the stairs and take a seat at the kitchen table and wait for her arrival. She comes in and hands me a muffin.

"I'm glad you've actually started to come around again, and I'd suggest you change out of your nightclothes to, visitors aren't always welcome but they don't know that" she says with a wink then leaves, saying she is in a hurry.

I understand quickly when Haymitch bursts through the door in an uproar after I had changed into a pair of dark jeans and green shirt. I stare at him, wide eyed, as he mutters under his breath, pacing the room at a pace I doubt I've ever seen him go.

"Haymitch?" I ask, he keeps pacing

He stops suddenly and turns to look at me with a pointed finger, "You told him _no!_? After all the boys been through you tell him no?" I finish my half-done braid as I listen to him, entirely confused. "He calls you, you don't answer. He tells me to tell you things; you don't even listen to me. He sends hot chocolate with a letter and you tell him no!" He starts to pace again, slower but continues to mutter, and pulls a flask from his jacket.

Hot chocolate. The Letter. Peeta's the only one Haymitch calls 'the boy'.

I start to open my mouth, to say something, but he interrupts me, "You know, he's not crazy anymore, and it shows pretty well in that letter. He _remembers_, Katniss. No, he's not the old Peeta who was always at your rescue, but half of him-more then half is still there." I'm stunned into silence, "Peeta had thought that after you read the letter you would tell him he could come back, he _wants_ to."

My mouth hangs open after his last comment. Peeta _wants_ to come home? I regret not reading the letter, but, how, even if I had sent a reply the day I got it, would it have gotten to him by now?

"I haven't read it." Now it's Haymitch's turn to be confused, he looks at he with his bloodshot eyes, not breaking eye contact, "uh- Greasy Sae, um, she gave it to me yesterday, and, um, uh," I stutter not knowing what to say. These are the times I wish Peeta were here to fill in the blanks of what I say, but he's not and that's why I'm left to fend for myself against an old drunkard who hasn't changed his clothes for days it seems.

"Well I'd recommend readin' it then" he tells me roughly and saunters out the front door, so unlike the quick pace he was at only moments ago.

I stand there thinking about what just happened, I notice I think a lot. After a moment I rush up the stairs and yank open the drawer on my side table lift the books and find the unopened letter lying there.

I take a seat in the chair next to my bed and carefully open the top of the envelope and pull out a single sheet of paper. I slowly begin to read.

_Dear Katniss._

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**Authors Note:** Ha! I am so mean! I left you hanging! I have already started Peeta's letter and am working on it, I really want to make it sound like him. How have I been doing with Katniss? I know I can never, and will never, make her seem as if it is really her but I keep trying and hopefully am doing at least okay? :/ Well I would like to thank summerlol247 for being the first person to review to one of my stories EVER, and only... Anyway, PLEASE review and i will try and publish the next chapter soon!~~~Ninja-Rider~~~


	3. Unwanted Arrival

**Authors** **Note: **Sorry about the wait guys! I've been really busy the last few days and have just got around to this. I would like to thank my 7 followers, 1 review, and 1 favorite - you guys know who you are:) - for adding me! You don't even know how happy i was when i logged on and saw that! Well summerlol247(and whoever else has been anticipating this), here's the letter! Enjoy :) ~~~Ninja-Rider~~~

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Chapter 3: Unwanted Arrival

I'm stuck at the first two words. Too much of a coward to read any further. I walk over to my door and close it, not wanting any single soul to see my reaction. But, who am I kidding? The house is probably bugged with cameras as well as microphones. I cross the room and crack open the shade that is tightly drawn over my windows, and am struck by how the light comes into the room. It looks so different not being in the dark, like this bedroom maybe is used be someone who actually _lives_, not someone who stays closed up from the world in it.

I sit back down, swallowing my fear and urging my courage to come. It tends to be absent more often then not, so when it doesn't come I decide that I don't have to be strong, I just have to read it. If only once to satisfy Haymitch and tell him that I did.

I look at the letter, awed by how the sunlight reflects off the page, and how precise the handwriting looks. I begin again and tell myself not to stop until I finish.

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_Dear Katniss,_

_I think it would be smart to start out simple._

_How are you? Dr. Aurelius tells me you haven't been answering the phone, so he doesn't know either. I wasn't sure if he was lying or not, so I tried calling you for myself. He wasn't lying._

_I have been through a lot of therapy with Dr. A, (that's what I call him, its easier then trying to pronounce his real last name) and he says I'm improving. I don't see how, I still have flashbacks. There bad._

_I see you in the first games taking care of my leg, where Cato had cut me with his sword. But, soon after you see the blood that comes from the wound you start to morph. Into a mutt. One with dark fur, and curled up lips that form a snarl. You grow so large that you could crush me with one quick step._

_They are still shiny, those ones. And I'm slowly beginning to understand the difference between real and not real things. Like the game we played during the time I was on the Star Squad with you. I still don't remember what exactly happened during the times we didn't play the game. It had given me a sense on relief, like a burden I was not given a choice to bare being lifted off my shoulders, yet at the same time my mind would flood with more questions, causing me to get frustrated._

_I don't think it's fair that two kids from District 12 have had to go through all of this. But, this is the hand we've drawn, and it had to have had some kind of purpose. Some kind of reason for all of these mishaps to happen, even if some are terrible._

_Dr. A. has given me a train ticket to 12. He told me that I could go whenever; the ticket doesn't have a set date. He says that I have been through enough therapy and am prepared to return home. I told him that it could -would- be your choice of what I do._

_I understand if you don't want me to come home. So, if you decide that it would be okay if I do, just send me a letter. If not, you don't have to answer, I'll understand._

_Peeta_

_P.S.-_

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The last part is smudged, as if he didn't want me to read whatever he had written. It makes me wonder if the bold part of Peeta, the part that gave him the courage to tell the entire country he was in love with a girl since he was five, has gone away.

I hadn't realized i was crying until a teardrop splattered onto the paper. My vision turns blurry as more begin to refill the lost ones places. I don't know how to react. Should I cry, should I scream, should I find a dark closet and sit in it until somebody has the decency to come find me?

Instead I just sit, tears escaping the cracks of my eyes, until the paper becomes slightly soggy. I fold it back up and place it back in the envelope that sits on my nightstand. I stuff the letter in my pocket, not caring if it gets wrinkled, as I race down the steps. When I reach the bottom I grab my hunting jacket that still hangs on the hook by the door since the last time I used it and slip it on.

I fling open the front door and run across the lawn to Haymitch's house. If that's even a word to describe the vacant looking box with a roof he calls home. I walk up the stairs to his house and hesitate as I reach for the doorknob. _He's going to yell at me for not reading it sooner_, I think. I shake my head; it's either now or later. I twist the knob and walk into the house.

I let out a cough as the stench of unwashed bodies and old liquor hits me like a brick in the face. I make my way to the living room, trying my best to step over the piles of soiled clothing, and stop at the doorway. Leaning against the frame I can see the back of his head as he sits on the couch.

"Did ya read it, Sweetheart?" he asks before he can even see me. I cross the room and take a seat across the room from him. He smirks at my puffy eyes. "Well that's just giddy! Cause' Effie will want to know what he said." He says and tips back a half gone bottle of something strong, because when he pulls it down his face twists up in a weird grimace.

"Haymitch! Katniss is not in her house!" trills a voice neither of them are ready to hear just yet. She lets out a shriek, "Oh my god, is that-eww!" Effie stomps into the room, with her high heels, mint green wig, and makeup to match. "Haymitch, you said Katniss should be in a closet-oh! There you are honey."

I look over to Haymitch and glare at him. Did he really have to tell Effie I would be in a closet? He shrugs and burps, receiving a disproving look from Effie. I look back up to the woman who just bombarded his house and realize i am not prepared for whatever reason she decided to come for.

She comes over to me and kisses my cheek, "Katniss, I don't think it's good for your health to be in Haymitch's house, that goes for me to, and I need to talk to you. Will you please follow me?" It was more of an order then a question, so when she takes my hand and practically shoves me outside, I don't have a choice to reject. I sit down on the wooden stairs that is on the front of his house, glad that I have on my fathers hunting jacket to block the bitter winds. As for Effie she begins to pace, I don't know how she can in those heels, saying it will help her keep warm.

"I didn't realize District 12 gets so cold! I mean the Capitol does to, yes, but not until at least a little further into the season!" She says while sidestepping to miss a rock that was on the sidewalk. I imagine her not seeing it and tripping. Oh, how her face would look as she came closer to the ground. The corners or my mouth twitch up, just a little, probably not even enough to be noticeable.

"Effie, it always gets cold earlier then the Capitol. It's nothing new." I say, " What did you need to talk to me about anyway?"

"Nothing really, uhh, yes, nothing at all." She says with a smile. I can tell she's lying; Effie isn't that hard to read. Capitol people as a whole aren't that hard to read, "Can't I just come and-umm-visit my old victor once in awhile?" She asks with a weary laugh.

"Effie tell me what you wanted to say."

"Oh Katniss, you know I can't lie to you... But I was told not to tell you," I give her a look, "fine. Don't say anything until I'm finished,"_ like I would say anything_, when do I really ever _talk_, I nod anyways, "Okay, well, umm... Haymitch told Peeta that you said yes to the letter and was just to lazy to write one yourself."

"I could have answered without Haymitch's input." I say turning grouchy at the thought of Haymitch doing everything for me, I'm still capable of some things. Like writing a letter.

Effie's eyes turn sympathetic for a moment and she looks like she isn't finished with what she has to say either... "Peeta just got off the train."

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**Author's Note:** Here it is! Tell me what you think by clicking on that little review button on the bottem of the screen, that would make me so happy! Thanks so much for reading.~~~Ninja-Rider~~~


	4. Maybe not so Unwanted

**Authors** **Note: **Hey, here's the next Chapter! Thanks to all my followers and new reviews I got! I love you guys! Enjoy ;)~~~!Ninja-Rider~~~

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Chapter 4: Maybe not so Unwanted

"Peeta just got off the train."

My mouth drops open, I don't say anything. I'm to stunned. Would I have said yes anyways? I would have at least thought about it, along with my other frivolous thoughts, but I never got the chance.

"Katniss, it's not like he's a mutt or anything," Effie says as she stomps back into Haymitch's house, lips pursed like she is upset at my reaction. "See, I knew I shouldn't have told you," and with that she shuts the door behind her. I listen as her heels click further into the house.

I'm stuck on the steps, as if glued there, not having the strength to lift myself up onto my jello feeling legs. A small blurry form begins to show as someone comes over the hill that leads to Victor's Village. My breathing starts to get fast, is it him? No, he can't be all the way here already. It takes an hour just to get from the train station to here.

A mop of blond hair comes into to focus as the form comes closer. He lugs a few suitcases behind him. It's big, like he plans on staying - for a long time. I start to panic. I jump off the stairs and start running the opposite direction, my legs no longer feeling weak. I climb over the iron fence that surrounds the village, adrenalin kicking in from being afraid to meet him. Or even see him really.

Just the thought of him makes my breathing become harder. Ever since the time he crushed the nightlock pill-the last time I saw him- I've had these weird feelings toward him. It was like it was actually _him_ standing there not letting me arrange my own death. The boy-man now- who was always there for me, no matter how difficult the circumstances. The one that would leave if I turned away, but be more then welcome to come running back if I asked.

I end up finding my way to the meadow-or what I thought use to be the meadow. A huge hole has been dug for a mass grave, I remember Sae telling me something about it, I wasn't expecting this though. I tear my eyes away from where all my friends and neighbors bodies will be left and continue to the fence. I easily slip underneath, and find my way into the woods.

I slow down to a walk and finally sit down on a comfortable looking rock- because there so comfortable, you know.

"He came back to me…" I whisper

_What are you talking about; it will only make things harder on you and him._

"He said he wanted to come home…"

_For all I care his home is in the capitol, he left me in this misery. If he would have only let me swallow that pill I could be with Prim right now._

"Does he still love me..?"

_No of course not, he tried to kill you. More then once._

"He must, he came home to _me."_

_He probably came home to see Haymitch, for him to help him with more of his therapy. He might not even notice I'm here still if I never go outside…_

My heart and head seem to be having issues deciding what to think. I snap out of my hazy state and I find myself not in the meadow but lying in front of Haymitch's house, in the road. I find Peeta staring over me mouthing words I can't hear. Finally they become audible for my ears, my hearing must be off…

"Katniss? Hello? Your eyes are open…" His luggage is still a ways away, and he's panting as if he just got done running. "Katniss, can you hear me? Blink twice if you can…" I blink twice and he lets out a sigh of relief.

_Did I say those things out loud? Had he heard me? Oh, God what if he heard me…_My face turns hot at the thought.

I slowly raise my head from off the blacktop and Peeta moves from his kneeled position over me to let me get up. I just sit up though and he looks relieved that I'm not hurt by whatever had just happened. I cross my legs in front of me and shake my head trying to remember anything that had led me… In the middle of the road, waking up to a boy, who had tried to kill me only weeks ago, looming over me.

He sits next to me, though keeping distance between us, but he still seems close and makes me nervous. He raises his hand and scratches the back of his head, as if he is nervous also. "Hi." He says blushing a little

"Hi"

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**Author's Note:** Yes, I know- a short chapter. But i unfortunately ran out of time, I'm on my way to camp! Well please review! ~~~Ninja-Rider~~~


	5. Wooden Signs On Wooden Doors

**Authors** **Note:**I feel absolutely horrible for how long it has been! I had a week of camp, than band camp, and then fair! I haven't had any time to think about this chapter, let alone sit down to write it. In the little amount of time I have had to think about it I haven't had any ideas come… In other words, major writers block. So hopefully this chapter will make up for how long it has been. Enjoy… ~~~Ninja-Rider~~~

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Chapter 5: Wooden Signs on Wooden Doors

"Hi" I reply back somewhat shyly. I drop my eyes down to the concrete, praying I hadn't said my thoughts out loud. I begin playing with a pebble to help keep my mind off of the thought. We sit there for a while, watching as I roll it back and forth until Peeta finally breaks the uncomfortable silence.

"So… What have you… uh … been up to the last few months?" he asks.

I glance sideways to look at him when he finishes the question and sigh, looking back down at my feet, "Sleep," I answer back quickly, not really wanting to tell him the full extent of what I mean by 'sleep'. To Peeta it means go to bed, wake up, and go on with your day. For me it means sleep all day with no intentions to get up except to eat - even though I usually don't and feed the food to Buttercup - and use the restroom only when absolutely necessary.

He looks over at me with careful eyes, "How does your head feel?" he asks. I'm confused at first but when I feel a slight throbbing on the side of my head I realize what probably caused me to become unconscious - at least I think I was, that is.

"Fine. How did I fall?" I answer shortly, subconsciously shifting back and forth, most likely giving off the impression I have to use the restroom. I try to stop moving. He doesn't answer as I wait, and I turn my head to find him looking at me – yet his eyes are distant - and his brow knit. "Peeta?" He starts breathing heavy and his eyes begin twitching nervously, as if I'm not there and he is seeing something behind me.

"Pe-," I start to say his name again but am cut off by him whispering something. a sheen of sweat begins to form above his brown. I lean closer to him and try to make sense of the mumbled words he saying. He said the words louder and I started to understand what he was saying.

"Kat- g-" _Katniss, go!_ I finally understood by the third time, I didn't need to be told twice.

I ran to Haymitch's house, not even bothering no knock and threw open the door, "Haymitch! Peeta's having an episode!" I yell, my voice echoing throughout the old broken house.

First comes Effie's high-pitched squeak as a fast paced clicking starts coming toward me. "My god, boy's been home for less than ten minutes and you've already been on him," he says as he pushes past me. Effie follows him quirking an eyebrow. My jaw drops, surly he's kidding, but does he really need Effie to start thinking I'm that desperate?

It is Haymitch, who would think otherwise? I make my way into his house, closing the door behind my and sit down against it, to scared to be outside to see what Peeta will do, and to afraid to be far away unless I'm needed – although I don't know how I ever would be needed.

* * *

A long while later, with still no return from Haymitch I decide to head home. I crack open his front door, and peak outside; just to be sure they still weren't out there, finding no one I slipped out. I walked across the lawn and made my way inside my house. The clock says it's close to supper, Sae should be here soon.

I walk up the stairwell, and start walking down the hallway lined with doors, ones that used to be occupied by _living_ people – literally. I come to a door with a wooden sign, the name Prim written beautifully across it in pink letters, with flowers bordering it, a present from Peeta before the Quell. I shake my head, close my eyes and force back the tears that are screaming to be let out at the very thought of my dead sister.

Dead. _Dead._ Prim is _dead. _To late now, a tear escapes the corner of my eye, followed by others with the same salty taste I've become so use to these last few months. I collapse onto the ground, sobbing, outside of my sister door. I crawl down the hallway, until I reach the closet that holds all the blankets from our old house in the Seam. I tug open the door and grab the first one I see – the one that used to be on my parents' bed – and wrap it around me. I cry myself to sleep that night.

* * *

I wake to the smell of a burned bread in my house and an extra blanket wrapped tightly around me. There's only one person I know that bakes, although I've never known him to burn bread. Peeta. My cheeks feel raw from crying and my eyes burn, my braid – if that's what you would call it – looks like I've just went through a tornado, with more of my hair out of it than in. I feel embarrassed that Peeta found me this way, and I wouldn't doubt I was snoring to – a new habit I was told by Sae I had developed – what a pretty picture.

He probably thinks I was crying because he came home, now I feel guilty for not going and checking on him after his episode. Yes, I did what he said to do and left but I abandoned him. I should have gone back and helped him and not left Haymitch and – although I doubt she did much, but annoy Haymitch – Effie to do so.

I can just see Effie now, tsking and telling me how improper it was of me to leave Peeta out on the road by himself, when I should be spending time with him – like I was supposed to spend time with him when he was having a flashback – need I remind her that the last time he had one he almost killed me, and did kill someone else? I almost feel like jumping up and yelling that at her now, though I don't know if she will actually say those things…

While I was imagining the argument with Effie that probably won't ever happen I hadn't noticed the letter lying on the ground next to me. I cautiously pick it up and open it, revealing a piece of paper.

_Dear Katniss, _

_I am terribly sorry for how I acted yesterday. I hadn't expected that I would have a flashback and had even taken extra pills that morning just in case I was to have one. I am glad I was able to control it and I hadn't gotten out of control. That is one of the thing Dr. A and I worked on the most during my time in the Capitol, controlling them. _

_I remember you asking my how you fell, well if you feel like it come down stairs, I made you some breakfast, I'll tell you when you come down._

_As for the smell… Well lets just say I haven't baked anything since before the Quell. I tried to make you some cheese buns as you see – or smell – it didn't work out as planned! So, sorry about the smell._

_ Peeta_

I'm not so sure I am comfortable with the fact that Peeta is in my house – making my breakfast – especially with what happened yesterday. All of a sudden I begin to feel trapped by the blankets, and they're too tight around me. I start to kick my legs, loosening the grip the blankets had around me until I am free from their grasps and they lay in a heap on the floor. I smile as if I accomplished a great hurdle in life a trot down the stairs.

I walk to the kitchen and find the table set with French toast, one of my favorites, and Peeta sitting on one end of the table, already eating his own. He looks up and sees my smile, and grins, " Why do you seem so happy?" he asks.

"I fought the blanket monster, and won. He's dead now, laying upstairs on the floor if you don't believe me."

* * *

**Authors** **Note: **Well... what did ya think? It took me a while to write this one, NO IDEAS WOULD COME TO ME! But, I eventually came up with some ideas and used them. Ya.. 'blanket monster' I'm not sure where that came from... maybe my dog when i throw a blanket over her head and she acts as if she is going to die if she doesn't tear it apart? Possibly, I thought it was kind of funny though so i added it in. Well I would like to thank all of my followers/favorites and i love it so much when you guys review! it makes me feel as if _people actually have feeling and can talk *wink, wink*_ So if you could possibly put your input on how you think the story is, or if you have any other ideas I will be sure to consider them and of course include your idea in an authors note for other people to see and comment on. Well thanks so much for reading! O my goodness I almost forgot! HUNGER GAMES COMES OUT TODAY! I'ma gonna get it ;)~~~Ninja-Rider~~~


	6. Closets Are Safe

**Authors Note: **I would like to thank juiahutch60, , Misunderstoodhampire, PeetaBread101, and summerlol247 for all of your amazing comments! They really make me feel happy to know that people actually take the time to read this story! THG movie is out! Yeah! Well, enjoy…~~~Ninja-Rider~~~

* * *

Chapter 6: Closets Are Safe

His grin stays, as mine starts to fade. They never stay for long, especially when interrupted. I smile when I'm alone, in the woods, never having wanted to share it with anyone other then Prim. Or Gale.

Because I'm selfish. I was more worried about my own wishes during life than anyone else's.

I walk over to that table, and take a seat across from him. "So, how did I fall?" I ask picking up one of the slices of bread, I never put syrup on them - takes away the cinnamon flavor I only really had the chance to experience a few times. I examine it and find that it is perfectly cooked on both sides.

"Well, I saw you sitting on Haymitch's steps then you stood up real fast. You started running and then tripped on something and hit the ground hard, thankfully the fall didn't leave a cut…" He answers looking down at his own plate.

Greasy Sae's voice reaches us from the front door, "Peeta, make sure Katniss eats her food and doesn't feed it to that cat again. I'm nice enough to make the food, so just be sure she eats it all." I raise an eyebrow at Peeta as the front door clicks closed, from burned bread to perfect French toast… I should have known he wasn't telling the truth.

"Okay, so maybe I didn't exactly make breakfast… oh, Greasy Sae made me come over to apologize and keep an eye on you." he says guilty, "and she said it' d be easier to make one breakfast then two…"he looks back down at his plate again with a concentrated look on his face. "Did you hear anything when you were unconscious?" he asks

"No," I answer, hoping he doesn't mean 'hear yourself, "not until you asked for me to blink." I add.

"Did you happen to hear yourself?" he asks, mirroring my thoughts. I feel my cheeks turn hot; I had said it out loud... I think back to what I had said-

_He came back to me…" I whisper_

_What are you talking about; it will only make things harder on you and him._

_"He said he wanted to come home…"_

_For all I care his home is in the capitol, he left me in this misery. If he would have only let me swallow that pill I could be with Prim right now._

_"Does he still love me?"_

_No of course not, he tried to kill you. More then once._

_"He must, he came home to me."_

_He probably came home to see Haymitch, for him to help him with more of his therapy. He might not even notice I'm here still if I never go outside._

I swallow, "Uhh, yes. I did hear what I said," can my cheeks turn any hotter? They feel as if they are on fire. I don't dare look up at him, I know he's looking at me now; I keep my eyes on the bread.

"Did you mean it?" Peeta asks, "Did you really mean 'he came back to _me_'?"

Questions. Questions, too many, too soon. I knew they would come, but not this. Not now. I have to run. I have to get away from him. I drop the toast, and sure enough he's looking at me I start to tremble, my breathing gets fast, I jump out of the chair, making it crash to the ground behind me just boosting my adrenalin up even further. "No. No. No… Get away! Get away from me," I yell I back away from him and bump into the wall.

I frantically start looking around, where to hide? Hurry, hurry he's right there he could have an episode and try to hurt you. Hurry!

I run up the staircase and run into one of the guest bedrooms that we never used. I open the closet door and shut it behind me and slide down to the ground. I wrap my arms around my knees, still shaking.

Had I meant what I had said when I was unconscious? I bring up one of my hands and rest my forehead on it, just to jerk back because of the pain I feel. That fall had probably left a nasty bruise, now that I think about it, just another thing to add to how embarrassing I looked when Peeta found me this morning.

* * *

No sound comes from downstairs for a long time, and i'm almost sure that Peeta has left untill the stairs creak as he comes up them. The small amount of light that comes from underneath the door is split when he stands in front of it, followed by a soft knock. "Katniss? Hey, are you okay in there?" He asks, I don't answer.

Theres some shuffling around as he takes a seat and leans against the door, essentially just blocking my exit if it was necessary to have one. I move over so I am facing the door, almost looking at him, but with a slab of wood blocking the view it makes it kind of hard. It's better this way, almost like a telephone, he can't see the way I react to whatever he says. One problem, I can't hang-up.

"I'm sorry I asked that. I should have known better, Dr. A told me to give you time, that you aren't the same person from before the war, and I guess neither am I." He pauses for awhile, as if guessing what to say next. "Haymitch told me that he was the one that decided weather or not I should come home, and that Greasy Sae had only given you the letter the day before I got here. I can go back you know, if thats what you'd rather have. I miss home, and being around you and the people here, but i'm entirely fine with going back to the Capitol if thats what you want."

"You can stay." I barely whisper.

I can hear the smile on his face as he says the next words, " Well, I ought to be going now, I have something to talk to Haymitch about. I'll see you around, I guess then." An uneven pace out of the room, creaking staris, and the sound of the closing front door is what i'm left with. I let out a sigh of relief.

_Alone again_, I think. My stomach rumbles and I remember my uneaten breakfast still sitting on the kitchen table where I left it. Since when was I hungry? I've barely eaten since I have came home, I almost look as skinny as I was when I came home from the first games.

A realization hits me as I think about the first games; life was so much easier, or at least less complicated back then. 'Back then' meaning two years. It has been two years since Pri- a girl with a duck tail- was reaped. Two years since I entered- "And exited!" my mind screams- the Hunger Games. But, not really, I never _really_ exited those games. And never will either. They haunt me every night, along with the more recent ones like Messala's skin dripping off of his body, Finnick being torn to bits by the rat like mutts underneath the Capitol's brightly colored streets. And the two most common ones- my precious sister burning to death filing slot number one, and Peeta tearing me to shreds as he transforms into the mutt the Capitol's most prestigious doctors turned him into filing slot number two.

I stand up on wobbly legs, and open the closet door and find a crumpled piece of paper on the floor. A note? What is with Peeta and the notes? Can't he just tell me? I bend down to retrieve it and un-crinkle it. It's addressed to Peeta, not me. I consider not reading it and giving it back, it's not my business to read his letters. Curiosity takes over though and I walk down the stairs, take a seat at the table-where my food is still waiting to be eaten- and begin to read it.

_Dear Peeta,_

_I hear that you are back in District 12 now. I hope you are doing well and I made sure to send those pills for the headaches, they should arrive soon. I wanted to remind you of a few things we went over before you left the Capitol. Hopefully you get this in time, so read this before you go and see Katniss that is unless you already managed to go find her._

_1. Always keep the blue pills in your pocket. If you start to feel yourself beginning to have an episode take two of them._

_2. Remember to take the green pill in the morning and before bed, it will help reduce the risk of having an episode._

_3. If you see Katniss, don't push her. Don't ask her questions right off the bat. Give her time to get used to you being there_

_4. __If she will talk to you ask her to call me, otherwise make sure you fill me in every week on how she is doing. I'm hoping she will improve with you being there._

_5. And finally, remember that Katniss is a 17-year-old girl that has been through two Hunger Games, an entire war, with her as the symbol of it, and having to deal with how fate has turned out with you. You're not the only one who's been burned, beaten, bruised, and mentally raided. Remember, she practically died when she thought that you had. Give her time. And life should go on._

___Dr. __Aurelius_

___P.S. Make sure to tell Katniss that i am also sending her some pills as well, they should help make her feel better._

I don't want the pills, never have and never will. But the idea of feeling better sounds good, as if they will give some sense of relief-a burden being carried by the pills themselves- and maybe i can finally learn how to live again...

* * *

**Author's Note:** Thank you so much for reading! Hopefully i have the next one posted in a reasonable amount of time... I am totally lost as to where i am going with this story, so ideas would be great! EEK! school starts in two weeks! Give me a sad face if you are sad the summer has slipped away so soon too :(... I HAVE OVER A THOUSAND views... ya i took the 're' part out because if i were to put it in it would be a fat out lie... so pleazzzzzzzz review it would make me dance around the room, looking like a mad woman- er.. um... wait I already am...:) Random thought, tell me what you thought of HG movie, i thought it was AWESOME, it would be cool to hear what you guys thought to.~~~Ninja-Rider~~~


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